


from my lungs straight to my heart

by blesseth



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Third-Years Leaving, and lev has like five lines but he's a best boy, kenma is very in love with kuroo and he's so done with it, kuroo's also in love, not yet but it's mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 12:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17787188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blesseth/pseuds/blesseth
Summary: Kenma is very much in love with his best friend; it's a problem, sort of, except it's also not. One can see why he's so confused.





	from my lungs straight to my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring a pining Kenma, a confused Kenma and a brave Kenma. Kuroo's there too I guess. (jk)
> 
> I've just barely edited this but I adore KuroKen with my entire soul and I wanted to get this out on Valentine's day so yah... deff will be coming back to do some edits in the future.
> 
> Title is from the song Keep It To Myself by Jovani and Jazzu which is kinda a very KuroKen song to me (but then again, nearly every song is in the right AU.)
> 
> ((Also I swear I have over twenty KuroKen drafts and yet I can't finish anything - I live in struggle.))

Kenma has a problem.

 

He presses the X button on his console a little harder than strictly necessary because that’s how he deals with problems; ignore them for as long as possible and hope, hope _really_ hard, that they eventually disappear or fix themselves. (There’s also the possibility of things getting even worse, as Tetsurou keeps reminding him, but Kenma’s ignoring that too.)

 

His current problem, however, is making it hard to avoid thinking about it. Because every time Tetsurou does as much as smile his sly, leering grin, Kenma’s heart would start going into overdrive and remind him that yes, he is, in fact, very much in love with his best friend.

 

It’s a mild inconvenience at best, a dear-lord-what-am-i-going-to-do near-anxiety attack at worst but Kenma deals with it. Mostly. In what is probably not a healthy way to deal with stuff.

 

It’s whatever. (It’s not.)

 

“Kenma!” He glances up at the sound of Tetsurou’s voice almost by instinct at this point. “Ready for practice?”

 

He stifles a frown as his eyes return to the console in his hands. He knows Tetsurou jokes about what a nice guy he always is but the thing is, he really is. If he wasn’t maybe he wouldn’t wait for Kenma every day after class just so that they could spend the two-minute walk to the gym together, and then maybe being in love with him would be a little bit easier. But no, he really is nice like that so Kenma has to suffer; he hates his life, just a little.

 

To the question, however, he only shrugs since volleyball is kind of the last thing on his mind right now.

 

“Oh, come on,” Tetsurou nudges him once he catches up to him and they head along the corridor. “I thought you finally started liking it.”

 

 _Yes, and know what I also like? Your face._ Kenma has to fight down a wince the second the thought enters his mind because it's so damn cheesy and dumb and he's actually considering it. What has he come to, he thinks and sighs.

 

“Practice still sucks,” he tells Tetsurou instead but it's true enough. Getting tired during an actual game is one thing but getting tired during practice? That's just an overkill.

 

Tetsurou lets out an exaggerated sigh to match Kenma's. “You know, I'm really not supposed to tell you this but since I'm the best friend you could ever ask for, I will; there's no practice today. I mean, there is, technically, but we won't be actually playing.”

 

That catches Kenma's attention. He pauses the game and looks up at Tetsurou, eyes narrowing. “Why not?”

 

Tetsurou's eyes crinkle as he laughs and Kenma's heart does the thing again. “No need to look so suspicious, geez. It's a little send-off for us third years since, y'know, we don't have that much time left until graduation.”

 

Oh. Right. Kenma's throat tightens and he looks away. In the middle of his 'problem’ (because it's not even really a problem since Tetsurou's the fucking best and deserves all the love in the world) the fact that he's graduating soon was pushed in the back of Kenma's mind. He's always known it'll happen, of course, but it's just now hitting him that it's happening so soon. And, he discovers suddenly, he's not ready.

 

He doesn't say any of that, of course, because he doesn't need to bother Tetsurou with his stupid stuff, especially not now when he has so much of his own to deal with. So he hums and resumes his game, doing his best to pretend everything's okay.

 

“Kenma,” Tetsurou begins and there's something in his voice Kenma hasn't heard in a long while. It's shy, uncertain, and out of the corner of his eye, he notices Tetsurou doing his nervous tick, clenching and unclenching his left hand. “Since we're on the topic, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I mean, graduating. Not-- graduating but what comes after and I don't mean academically--”

 

He seems to be fumbling with his words and Kenma doesn't even bother pausing his game as his eyes shoot up to Tetsurou's face. He's frowning as if frustrated with himself and bites his lip, cutting himself off in the process. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.

 

“What I meant to say,” he starts over but pauses once again as he meets Kenma's eyes. They've both stopped walking at this point, only a few feet away from the gym door, and Kenma's pretty sure the rate at which his heart is beating can't be healthy.

 

Tetsurou opens his mouth to continue (or maybe start over again? Kenma's very lost as to where this is going) but the slam of the door flying open makes both of them jump.

 

“Finally,” Tora calls from the door frame and Kenma's taken back to last year when he was tempted to kick Tora out of sheer annoyance; it's nothing compared to how frustrated he's feeling now. “I was just about to go look for you two! Everyone else's already inside.”

 

At least Kenma consoles himself with the fact Tetsurou's annoyed at the interruption too. He hides it well, though, throwing Tora a lazy grin as he goes to tease him about something but Kenma knows better. It still doesn't stop him from glaring at the back of Tora's head as he turns around to get back inside.

 

“Coming?” Tetsurou shifts his head to look back at Kenma as he goes to follow Tora and all traces of that something that was so present a few moments ago are gone.

 

“Yeah,” Kenma says, lips pursed, and the second Tetsurou walks inside, he lets out a deep sigh. He can’t believe this is his life now. He lingers outside a little longer, trying to figure out how he came to this -- he's never purposefully looked for love like Tora, for example, so why exactly is he in this predicament -- until eventually it all becomes too frustrating for him to deal with right now. With a low grumble, he finally moves to join the others and the sight that immediately greets him has his heart clenching in a somewhat uncomfortable way.

 

Yaku has a hand on Shibayama’s shoulder, a light grin on his lips, while in the background Tora’s got Kai in a headlock. Fukunaga seems to be making an effort to get Tora to let go but it’s halfhearted at best and there’s the ghost of a smile on his lips. Teshiro and Inuoka seem to be sticking together, with Inuoka talking a mile a minute, excitedly gesticulating as he speaks.

 

Kenma’s eyes almost subconsciously look around for Tetsurou and finally find him bowing to Coach Nekomata. His heart does the thing again but it’s not like the acceleration Tetsurou causes inside of him almost constantly with his mere presence. Instead it’s more of a dull squeeze that leaves Kenma with a vague sense of sadness and he’s surprised to find his eyes stinging.

 

“Kenma!” It’s Lev who snaps him out of it, practically bouncing up to him. “Hey!”

 

“...Hey,” Kenma says, wary, because Lev’s a bit of a wildcard. There’s no telling if he’s this excited because he saw a stray cat on the way here or because he wants Kenma to toss to him; there’s only one of these options Kenma’s going to accept.

 

“Isn’t it exciting?” Lev puts his hands on his hips and turns to look out towards their teammates, chest puffed out. As if he needs to stand any taller, Kenma thinks and to his surprise, there’s something akin to fondness in the shake of his head. He’s really softening up, isn’t he. First the stinging in his eyes and now this; how disgusting, he decides and can’t even bring himself to pretend he means it.

 

“What’s exciting?” he asks instead, voice betraying nothing of his thoughts; he hasn’t softened up _that_ much.

 

In response, Lev makes a sweeping gesture around the gym. “This! The third-years leaving, the team changing, choosing a new captain… it’s all very exciting!” He swerves his head around to look at him so rapidly that Kenma is half-worried it’s going to snap off. “Do you think you’ll become captain?”

 

Kenma makes a face. “No,” he says without missing a beat. He knows there are some guys on the team who think he will, some because of his friendship with Tetsurou, some because of the whole ‘brain’ thing, but they’re wrong. It’s not even that Kenma doesn’t want to -- though that’s true too, he really doesn’t -- but more so it's the fact that he isn’t captain material. He’s not like Tetsurou or Karasuno’s Sawamura, and that's not even mentioning Bokuto, who couldn’t be more different from Kenma if he tried. And logically, Kenma knows that there are different types of captains but he can’t see himself in the role of one. The mere thought of the entire team’s eyes on him, listening carefully to his every word, makes him queasy.

 

And Tetsurou knows all that; he’d never give Kenma any special treatment because of their relationship but he also wouldn’t purposefully put him in a position where he’d feel uncomfortable. It’s one of the many things that make him so great and Kenma has to stifle a sigh; how come every thought he has ends up coming back to Tetsurou somehow? He's not annoyed, exactly, but rather exasperated.

 

“Aw, that’s a pity,” Lev says and Kenma nearly startles at his voice. He really has to stop getting so distracted and by Tetsurou at that. “I think you’d make a really great captain!” And Kenma can tell he really means it too because Lev’s the sort of guy who’s always so genuine and open about his thoughts.

 

The corner of his lips twitches. “Thanks, Lev.”

 

Then Lev gasps, exaggeration and all, and Kenma takes it all back. Lev’s a brat and he means nothing to him. “Was that an actual smile? You just smiled, I saw it!”

 

“No, I didn’t,” he denies, face blank.

 

“But you did! I saw it!”

 

“You imagined it.”

 

“Kenma,” Lev wails and he looks more like a puppy than a lion. Kenma is vaguely amused but he’s already exhausted his capacity of human emotion for the day so he remains impassive.

 

“Are you harassing your upperclassman, Lev?” A hand comes to lazily rest on Kenma’s shoulder and the calming familiarity of Tetsurou’s presence is the only reason he doesn’t jump. He does let out a small snort though and shifts his head to look up at Tetsurou who meet his eye with his usual loosed grin. He throws Kenma a wink but the second he does, his face scrunches and he gives a small shake of his head as if to himself, eyebrows furrowed. For a brief moment, he looks as though he’s wincing and then it’s gone. He grins, his expression a little tight around the edges, and his eyes return to Lev who’s frantically waving his hands in front of his chest.

 

Kenma is… confused. Especially when as Lev continues rambling on, Tetsurou’s arm slips off his shoulder. It’s casual enough that he wouldn’t think anything of it if it wasn’t Tetsurou but it is and Kenma… Kenma thinks he finally has some idea of what’s going on.

 

He could be very wrong though, and that would be very catastrophic, so he just nods along at the conversation.

 

“Right,” Tetsurou claps his hands after a while before turning to address the rest of their teammates scattered around the gym. “Gather up, everyone, it’s time for a speech.”

 

Kenma follows as the team gathers in a small circle around the coaches, and turns his attention to Nekomata as he speaks up, a small grin on his lips.

 

“I know some of you are sad,” he begins and Kenma avoids his eye. “You’re thinking, _well. It’s all over now._ And it’s true in a way; for all you third-years, your time here, at Nekoma, is nearly up. For the rest of us, we’re saying goodbye to some bright, talented young people. But the years you’ve spent here together, both as teammates and as friends, they’re never gone.”

 

He turns to look at Tetsurou, Kai and Yaku who have all gathered at one side, arms around each other. “You three… I’ve watched you grow in front of my eyes, not only as players but also as people, and this is why I feel completely confident in saying that there’s no challenge you can’t overcome. You’ll continue growing and improving, and whether you’ll continue playing volleyball or not, the lessons you’ve learnt will stay with you.”

 

“Because there’s actually a lot volleyball and life have in common. I’m sure you have better things to do than to listen to an old man lecture you about those things so I will only say this; in volleyball, you always have your team to lean back on when things get tough. It’s the same in life. The bonds you’ve created, the people who’ve been a part of your journeys so far, they’re not going to suddenly disappear. Friendship, even though it may have been formed here, goes beyond any club. So don’t be afraid to jump bravely into the future. Your friends have your back; trust them to be there to catch you if you fall, just as you trust your teammates to catch the ball.”

 

The third-years go to bow in front of him, closely followed by the rest of the team, and when they rise up, Kenma thinks he sees tears glistening in their eyes. He meets Tetsurou’s and can’t look away even as Yaku nudges the other guy, pushing him forward, and Tetsurou shifts his gaze to coach Nekomata. He clears his throat.

 

“I’ve never been the type of captain to believe I always speak for the entire team but as I say this, I have to make an exception; thank you for believing in us. Thank you for your guidance and for your patience, and we hope to have made you proud.” He bows again and this time Kenma can see the tears fall which in return makes him bite his own lip to stop it from trembling. He’s always been incredibly weak when it comes to Tetsurou crying.

 

Coach Nekomata lets out a loud laugh, putting a hand down on Tetsurou’s shoulder.”Thank _you_ for making the Battle of the Garbage Dump happen; you’ve all exceeded my wildest expectations, and I know you’ll keep doing so.”

 

His words prompt a new round of tears, not only in Tetsurou’s eyes but also the entire team, and through hooded eyes, Kenma smiles.

 

He really is glad he got into volleyball.

 

* * *

 

As he and Tetsurou are walking home, shoulders nearly touching, high on emotion, Kenma does something he never does; he takes a leap.

 

“Hey,” he stops in the middle of the empty road, pulling at Tetsurou’s sleeve. “I’m in love with you.”

 

He says it without giving himself a chance to think it over and for once, he purposefully tries not to analyse anything. Maybe it’s a mistake, maybe he’ll regret it, but coach Nekomata’s words gave him the extra boost he’s been subconsciously waiting for since the moment he realised the extent of his feelings.

 

So he forces himself to meet Tetsurou’s eyes. They’re wide and confused but he’s not pulling away which spurs Kenma to keep going; he intended to keep it short and straight to the point but now it’s like the words can’t be contained inside of him.

 

“I love you,” he repeats. “And I want to do disgustingly cute things with you, like the ones we always make fun of in films, and I want to tell you cheesy stuff that makes you laugh because I love it when you laugh. I want you to hug me, and cuddle me, and play games with me, but most of all I just want you in my life. In any way. Even after,” he gets a little choked up but pushes through with a small frown. “Even after you leave.”

 

Tetsurou is speechless, something he rarely gets to experience anymore, and in the silence that follows, it hits Kenma just what he did and his own eyes widen too. “I--”

 

But that seems to kickstart Tetsurou into moving because he surges forward, wrapping his arms around Kenma, holding him tightly. “I had a _speech_ planned out,” he mumbles, face buried in the mess of dyed hair, and to Kenma’s relief, he sounds a little choked up too. “I was-- I was going to confess earlier and all, but I had a speech planned out, and I messed it up so I panicked. And then I kept thinking I fucked up and you’d realised and-- Yakkun always says I’m so obvious, you know? And I… got scared, I guess.”

 

He pulls back finally though he doesn’t let go. He still seems a bit shaken up -- Kenma can’t imagine he looks any different himself -- but there’s a grin on his lips. It’s not the sly leer he usually favours; it’s genuine, and real, and so tender that Kenma feels his cheeks heat up. Tetsurou has a really pretty smile, he thinks, not even denying how smitten he is anymore.

 

A beat passes between them.

 

“So you were too chicken to confess,” Kenma says once he manages to get a grip of himself, tone flat and matter-of-fact, and can’t stifle his smile as Tetsurou laughs.

 

“Guess so.” He then moves to kiss Kenma on the forehead. Except he stays close after that, eyes searching. He swallows, hesitant even as Kenma gives him a small nod, and moves slowly, kissing one cheek and then the other, and Kenma’s nose scrunches as a small kiss is pressed against the tip of his nose.

 

“Are you too chicken to kiss me too?” he says, voice barely a tone above a whisper, and feels the short breath Tetsurou lets out, amused.

 

“You’re so pushy.” There’s no hint of complaint as he says it. He meets Kenma’s eyes one last time before finally kissing him and it’s glorious. It’s not the kiss itself; Kenma’s always been of the opinion that a kiss is nothing more than a press of lips and, occasionally, some tongue. But when it’s Tetsurou, everything seems wonderful and perfect, and... he’s just so very in love.

 

They pull apart slowly, foreheads pressed together, when suddenly Tetsurou’s eyes fly open, disturbing the pace they’ve set for themselves. “Shit,” he curses softly, pulling back. Kenma’s a millisecond away from panicking when Tetsurou embraces him again. “I didn’t actually say it back, did I? I’m sorry, I love you. I love you so much that it overwhelms me sometimes but I also love loving you… if that makes sense.” He groans. “See, this is why there was a speech.”

 

Kenma relaxes in his arms and lets out a snort as he nuzzles his face into Tetsurou’s neck. “I can’t believe people genuinely think you’re this intimidating, suave guy who's so cool and so good with words.”

 

“I am!" Tetsurou protests. "Just… not around you.”

 

“You’re not.”

 

“I am.”

 

“Are not.”

 

“Am so.”

 

“...Are not.”

 

“Am so.”

 

And as they walk the rest the way home hand in hand and the setting sun hits Tetsurou in a certain way, making him grimace and squint his eyes, Kenma’s heart does the thing again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
